so long gkworld, hello realworld

i wish i wrote more, like i used to in my gkworld... many years worth, i've lost count. i wish i had more to talk about these days. i wish i wrote poetry like i used to. some of you may remember. some of you have no idea what i'm talking about...because it was THAT long ago. i reflected a lot on the events in my life, trying to make sense of everything.. trying to sort things into their seemingly rightful place in my mind. i wrote a lot and i wrote frequently... and i loved it. i was proud of my writing, sometimes not proud of what I wrote about.. because they were painful times that I'd just as soon erase from memory... but i was proud that i wrote it out just to make it through to the other side. now i feel like i'm on the other side. and on this side, there are no words. i'm not sure if that's good or bad.. or neither. i miss the former side... but only for the flourishing words it afforded me at that time. ifeel like i left a part of myself somewhere along the way. i wonder why i miss that part of me...maybe it's because i felt like i was alive in my writing then, because i had to feel alive somewhere. but now, i'm living life in real time rather than in writing.. and i suppose i couldn't be happier. i'm just a little sad that the writer in me has departed, or is at least uninspired or unmotivated. someone, please poke her with a stick.
rather than ending this post on a reflective note.. tim made my guest bath design into reality. riley and i are so proud of him. he's been working at remodeling for the last week after coming home from a long day's work at the office. i can't imagine working for an additional 4 hours every night after a full work day. i want to be like him when i grow up. it makes me happy to know that riley has such an amazing father.

i can't believe i have my own little family now. a husband, a child.. sometimes i miss my child-free days, when i could go catch a movie on a whim.. or meet friends at happy hour.. or do whatever the heck i wanted whenever i want. but then i think about the daily smiles and giggles.. the hugs around my neck.. and those precious moments i catch between father and son, i just melt and feel that everything is right in my life. if you're a parent, you know.. it's truly amazing to watch a little person develop and grow, right before your eyes. it's like we now have permission to celebrate the little victories that we as adults are no longer entitled to... like sitting up without falling, and eating food for the first time, and laughing for no reason, and walking.. and talking without making any sense (do that as an adult and you're labeled as "crazy"). it's a wonderful thing, living life through a child's eyes.. everything is new and exciting and all you do is soak it in...